[ something is wrong with the white lotus of cang qiong peak bookstore.
that much is clear. ever since the demon market, binghe's been acting a bit stranger than usual. at the beginning of the week, he's not quite as cagey as he was before shen qingqiu found out about his demonic affliction, but... early in the week, while cooking, he overcooked a meal and snapped his chopsticks in half the minute he discovered something was wrong. he yelled at a customer for loitering too long around the shop, snarled at someone for getting in his space. even shen qingqiu hasn't been completely immune--on tuesday, he snapped at his shizun for absolutely nothing, then reeled back like he'd burned himself and run off to go 'train on the mountain', which was a codeword for training until he hurt himself in some sort of self flagellation.
in fact, he doesn't come home on tuesday evening. he doesn't come home on wednesday, either (because something is wrong and he doesn't know what's wrong, and the idea of hurting shen qingqiu is so terrifying that he'd rather be on the mountain than anywhere near shizun), and he spends all of wednesday taking his fury out on a section of the forest on the mountain, felling trees and destroying plants.
but its not enough to quell the anger, something dark and destructive curling up in his chest and making a home there, demanding more, more, more. he's not-- he has to hurt something, it feels like, and hunting down an animal in the forest and tearing its head off wasn't nearly enough-- but he needs to get home, shizun could be worried, and he -
it's conflicting. binghe hates it. his head has hurt for days, and he just wants to go home. in a moment of clarity towards the end of the week, he decides to go back and leave a note for shizun, an apology at least, and then get the hell back up the mountain and keep hunting down wildlife until whatever the hell is wrong with him passes.
so, it's two or three in the morning when luo binghe finally makes it back home. each footstep down umite's streets makes his blood sing with want, and any sort of clarity towards his original mission vanishes. the control that he'd so tenuously held onto is in danger of fading even further, and his footsteps increase in speed until he's a silent blur nearly running down the street, to cang qiong. his hands don't even shake when he unlocks the door, and he steps inside, shutting it behind him and leaning on the doorway. binghe tips his head back, and inhales.
these demon powers are incredible. he can hear the heartbeat of a human nearby, slow and steady--
of a human? of shizun. it's shizun, not just some random--he shouldn't be wanting to hurt anyone, at all, what is wrong with him it's shizun stop stop stop
binghe stops himself as he's taking a step forward, then puts both of his hands on his face and staggers backwards, hitting the door with a loud, dull, thump.
[ there's something wrong with the villagers of Umite.
shen qingqiu has noticed it as the week goes on, first in binghe as it's so far out of character for his apprentice and now slowly in others as well. nothing he's looked for has pointed out a probable cause and it's with grim eyes, he watches and waits until the dam breaks.
he, however, certainly wasn't expecting it to come to him at the crack of dawn.
his heart leaps into his throat at the noise and it's with sleepy eyes that he quickly stumbles downstairs, sleeping robes haphazardly thrown on to investigate ]
[ oh no. for a moment panic sets in, at the familiar voice. it cuts through the fog in his brain, and there's a twinge of relief before the bloodlust starts to kick in, coloring his vision red. that's a human. a human, with a beating heart, blood pounding, that binghe can almost smell. humans, who have tormented him, who treated him like the scum of the earth, who even now look at him with hints of derision, because even in this town of equality, people pull their children closer when demons walk down the street.
binghe shakes his head. he doesn't want to think that way about shizun, and he reaches back for the door handle, as if he's going to go back.
...but it would be so easy. all he'd have to do is play along. he could get close, lie, and then be able to just take. that was the whole thing about humans. they were so fragile, thinking they had such power over the demons. a lesson so easily taught. the thoughts are relentless, pounding at any sense of his normal self, pulling him further and further away from it --
the only immediate response is a whine. it's not quite human sounding, maybe closer to a dog, and he clutches his head a little tighter--then smacks it back into the door, as if trying to force it to stop. ]
[ it's dark enough that all he sees is shadow, shen qingqiu squinting out into the dark ]
Binghe? Has something happened?
[ shizun, with none preservation instincts, gingerly stepping toward to his probably? injured? apprentice. that combined with the whine has him reaching out near blindly, worry almost sky high when no words follow ]
[ literally lqg in the other thread: why are you like this
when the hand comes near him it is almost too much. the sound of shen qingqiu's pulse feels amplified, and binghe's hand snaps out, grabbing his wrist and lifting it up and out of the way before he can properly reach out. ] Don't--
[ his grip is easily tight enough to bruise. ] --don't. Don't touch me. [ he squeezes again, completely unaware of his own strength, letting out a shaky breath. ]
Shizun, on the other hand, hisses out a breath, wincing at the strain on his wrist. At least his warning bells are finally going off and he flicks his free wrist out, lighting the room before he ungracefully trips in the midst of all this ]
What did you do?
[ he can't help if you're just gonna be cranky at him, Binghe! ]
[ his grip doesn't change--it takes a long, belated moment for binghe to realize that he's put on too much pressure, and he loosens, but not enough to let go. the light coming on illuminates his expression--his dark eyes seem even darker than usual, the demon mark on his forehead brighter than normal, even in the dimly lit foyer of their home. binghe's brows are furrowed, and the entire line of his body is tense, like he's trying not to move too much. like he's trying to hold himself in check. ]
...Shizun. [ he says, slowly.
his fingers curl again. this time, it's less, but he still holds. he takes a step forward, and another, and another. predatory. the sound of his heartbeat is getting louder. ] Did I have to do something? [ despite it, his voice is calm, at least for the moment. maybe it's his own heartbeat. ratcheting upwards with every step forward, the incessant need to do something. to tear, to hurt. ] What if I did? Will you be angry?
[ there's clearly something at work here because not only are his sleepy alarms suddenly Very Concerned for his safety, it's also worried that Binghe's gone and done something silly.
He didn't find demon catnip or anything did he?
Whatever the case, Shen Qingqiu keeps his shoulders relaxed and his voice light as he talks, watching Binghe closely. ]
What if it was something terrible? [ binghe asks, his tone still even, oddly so. it doesn't match up with his actions, the way he keeps pushing forward, the way his grip is starting to tighten again. he's using his relative bulk to push shen qingqiu backwards, towards the nearest wall. ] Would you scold me? Would you let me back into this house?
[ the minute they're close enough, his other hand pushes out to smack into the wall, palm first. it's laced with demonic energy, next to shen qingqiu's head, though none of it touches him, and he pushes his wrist to the wall and holds there, grip tightening again. ] Or would you be scared of me, too?
[ he's not all there, and it's almost blatantly obvious. binghe's eyes look nearly red in the light, as he feels the rash of irritation prickle up his spine, make him cock his head to the side, doglike, predatory. the idea of shizun being afraid of him should upset him, but it just makes him angrier. what if he was just going to abandon him? like anyone else? liu qingge had started to act differently towards him, too. everyone did, because he was a demon. just like he'd been told he would be when he was younger. ]
[ somewhere in space, sqq sweats over this incredibly dangerous kabedon. ]
You are my precious apprentice, Luo Binghe. I do not fear you.
[ he does, however, fear what he could become were his demonic bloodline continue to take over his precious bun. there’s already been hints of it this week, and now especially as he looks up into his eyes. and yet- it’s more concern than fear that goes through his mind, a frown tugging at his mouth.
[ shizun's looking at him. something primal within him practically purrs with it, and there's a flicker of realization on his face when they make eye contact, as he speaks to him. i do not fear you.
yet, his instincts answer. you don't fear him yet. how much can he take, and take, before shizun wises up, too? how selfish and greedy can he be? the irritation from before is a low hum in the back of his head, and his fingers flex their hold, but he does not release it. he can feel shen qingqiu's pulse under his fingertips, and he wants to grab onto it, wants to pull it out and hold it for his own, wants -- no, no. no, stop.
the clarity helps. you will always have a home with me echoes in his head and binghe shuts his eyes, abruptly, squeezing them tight, trying to push back the feelings of resentment and fury. this unnatural want to attack is a tide he's losing against, rapidly, and it looks like he's fighting a war with himself, with the tense way he holds onto shen qingqiu, the way his expression changes, and, when he moves, it's not clear whether its going to be with violence or forcing himself backwards, as he pushes forward and --
-- bonks their foreheads together. it's not too hard (though not super gentle, either - it might smart a bit) but it feels good to be so close to shen qinqgiu. binghe takes a breath, and the ears on his head flick backwards, as he keeps his eyes closed. ] I don't.
[ a deep breath. ragged. everything smells like blood. binghe grinds his teeth, the tiny, sharp points his nails have lately formed into claws starting to prick at his master's skin, and manages, in a low, unhappy voice, nearly vibrating in place as he holds himself still. ] I don't want to hurt you.
[ his wrist smarts and he wants to rub at the sudden pain in this forehead but still he does not pull away. by now it’s become painfully clear Something has happened to Binghe while he was away and despite what it whispers in his ears he’s still fighting it.
a smug moment of pride goes through him at binghe’s mental strength before remembering, oh. right. that fight isn’t won yet and he’s in the process of losing. Pay Attention…! ]
Then don’t. Your choices are your own, I’ve always told you that.
[ his free hand reaches up to cup binghe’s cheek, stroking the soft skin with a fond smile with nary a worry. somewhere out in the world, lqg develops an eye tick.
but it's fine. his poor precious bun deserves pats. ]
[ binghe's brows knit together, and he looks at shen qingqiu, expression vulnerable; as the hand comes up to his cheek, he tilts his head into it, like a dog seeking attention again, trying to ground himself with the soft, gentle touch. normally, he's greedy for shen qingqiu's attention and affection like this, desperate for love and validation, and it's the tiniest thread that he can hold onto for the moment, fighting the war in his head.
it's not enough. the want to hurt and maim and attack comes up again, rising like a wave until its almost a crescendo, and binghe's eyes screw shut. he takes a ragged, deep breath, and his eyes snap open, that reddish color returning to his irises. it is only his own sheer force of will that has him suddenly ripping himself away from shen qingqiu, staggering backwards to get some distance between them, until its his back that slams into another wall. it hurts, but the pain of it is clarifying, and the fervor and desire for blood fades long enough for him to realize there's a solution to avoiding hurting shizun. it's an easy solution.
his hand goes to his waist and binghe draws his sword, the silver metal a bright streak in the evening light. he doesn't go rushing for shen qingqiu, even though every nasty voice in his head screams at the idea of hurting a human in vengeance, they've caused you so much pain-- no. no no no no.
binghe draws it on himself, turning the blade. better step in quick if you like ur cute bun, shizun. ]
[ oh shit. oh fuck. SITUATION RAPIDLY OUT OF CONTROL.
For a minute he thought he had gotten through whatever whispers into Binghe's ears, abet he doesn't relax just yet. there's no telling what exactly is happening in the war inside his apprentice despite only what he can infer and honestly, all his options are Bad and Worse.
Once he pulls away, there's immediately a quiet noise of surprise eyes immediately assessing but it seems like whatever he was hoping for isn't on the table. Shen Qingqiu doesn't even think about it before he flings himself at Binghe, the moment he unsheathes his sword, bodily stepping between the sword and his apprentice, eyes squeezed shut. ]
You are stronger than this, Binghe!
[ haha, here's hoping he's not about to eat shit. ]
[ IT WASN'T OUT OF CONTROL BEFORE? SQQ. YOUR PRIORITIES.
that was a mistake. at this point, all of the bloodlust has completely taken over. it is only his intense love and care for shen qingqiu that has him going after himself, instead, because binghe would rather die than cause him any suffering. but shen qingqiu just goes right ahead and makes that impossible, too.
binghe can't stop himself, not in time. it's like wading through water, as he realizes in a red-tinted haze what's happening, and it is only the sheer mental fortitude of his character that keeps binghe from killing shen qingqiu on accident on the spot. his blade was aiming for his own body, anywhere he could hit, and with shen qingqiu suddenly in his space, he doesn't have enough time to stop the swinging motion of his arm. his other arm shoots out and wraps tight around shen qingqiu's waist, pulling him closer to his body in the same moment that gravity and binghe's sword skills come into play.
it's all he can do.
the sharp edge of the sword skates across shen qingqiu's shoulders as it's diverted, leaving a clean, thin cut through his robes and across his shoulderblades, but the force from binghe's strike is unstoppable, and the blade digs deep at his upper arm, leaving a crescent of a wound that could've easily taken his arm off, had it been completely on target.
instead, in finishing the strike he releases the sword, so it flies out of his hand and hits the ground with a clang. it plays out like a horror scene in slow motion: binghe's clarity comes back when the smell of blood rushes through his senses, sharp tang of iron rust, and in the first true moment of self in the past few hours, binghe realizes in horror, what he's just done. ]
sqq hisses at the sharp sting of pain, grabbing Binghe’s robes when his vision swims for a moment and his knees falter. he refuses to be a swooning maiden but fuck, that hurts!
hopefully the shock is enough to knock him out of it as cleaning that wound certainly won’t be an easy task. but, ha. look at him, getting distracted in the middle of everything.
he hauls himself up, looking at binghe, checking his apprentice for that spark of recognition in his eyes and smiles, so gently at him when he sees it. there you are. ]
[ binghe's left still holding onto shen qingqiu with his free arm as his sword clatters onto the ground. he stares at the wall behind him for a moment, stunned, breathing harshly, as he starts. ] ...Shizun?
[ there's blood. it's on binghe's hands, its on shizun's arm, and when he looks up at him like that, binghe's entire world shatters. he's no idiot, and can easily put two and two together; he did the most unforgivable thing he ever could have done. tears rush to binghe's eyes, so quickly that he can barely see straight, and all of the color drains from his face almost immediately. he cries out-- ] Shizun! [ as the panic starts to rise up hot and fresh in his chest. he has to do something, has to stop the bleeding has to help and his hand snaps out to try and grab for the wound, but binghe stops himself mid air. his mind reels with the horrifying thought of what if I do it again?
(you will do it again, something answers in the back of his mind. you knew you would hurt him eventually.
binghe stumbles, freezing, hand hovering, not sure what to do. there's blood, there's too much blood and he caused it, he did it, he finally hurt shizun, shizun, shizun, and overwhelmed, he finally starts to sob. - ] I'm sorry, I didn't--what did I -- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, why didn't you let me hurt me instead, why did you -- shizun-- [ fat tears fall down his cheeks, his shoulders heaving, as the whole world closes down to tunnel vision, and he cries like a child, because shizun let binghe hurt him, and then looked at him like he'd done nothing wrong. his other arm is still around shen qingqiu, and his fingers curl so tight in the fabric of his robe that his knuckles go white.
monster. you're a monster. you're a monster, luo binghe. everyone was right. he is a monster. ]
[ Oh Binghe. His poor precious white bun who never deserved any of this.
Shen Qingqiu sighs fondly, uninjured hand coming to stroke his hair soothingly, tiredly laughing that even now here he is, bleeding, and yet he’s still the one offering comfort. ]
There, there don’t cry. How could this teacher be worthy of a title if I don’t protect my precious apprentice from even himself?
[ he keeps his voice light, despite the fact that it does in fact hurt like balls, and he’s honestly ready to sit down and yell in pain for a minute. but that can wait as binghe will forever come in first, second, and third and his wellbeing will always take priority. ]
Come now, this old man isn’t so fragile that you can take me down so easy.
[ say what you will but he's still got fight left in him...! just catch him never using it against Binghe ]
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5/28ish. your inbox made me laugh and now im here to ruin it
peakbookstore.that much is clear. ever since the demon market, binghe's been acting a bit stranger than usual. at the beginning of the week, he's not quite as cagey as he was before shen qingqiu found out about his demonic affliction, but... early in the week, while cooking, he overcooked a meal and snapped his chopsticks in half the minute he discovered something was wrong. he yelled at a customer for loitering too long around the shop, snarled at someone for getting in his space. even shen qingqiu hasn't been completely immune--on tuesday, he snapped at his shizun for absolutely nothing, then reeled back like he'd burned himself and run off to go 'train on the mountain', which was a codeword for training until he hurt himself in some sort of self flagellation.
in fact, he doesn't come home on tuesday evening. he doesn't come home on wednesday, either (because something is wrong and he doesn't know what's wrong, and the idea of hurting shen qingqiu is so terrifying that he'd rather be on the mountain than anywhere near shizun), and he spends all of wednesday taking his fury out on a section of the forest on the mountain, felling trees and destroying plants.
but its not enough to quell the anger, something dark and destructive curling up in his chest and making a home there, demanding more, more, more. he's not-- he has to hurt something, it feels like, and hunting down an animal in the forest and tearing its head off wasn't nearly enough-- but he needs to get home, shizun could be worried, and he -
it's conflicting. binghe hates it. his head has hurt for days, and he just wants to go home. in a moment of clarity towards the end of the week, he decides to go back and leave a note for shizun, an apology at least, and then get the hell back up the mountain and keep hunting down wildlife until whatever the hell is wrong with him passes.
so, it's two or three in the morning when luo binghe finally makes it back home. each footstep down umite's streets makes his blood sing with want, and any sort of clarity towards his original mission vanishes. the control that he'd so tenuously held onto is in danger of fading even further, and his footsteps increase in speed until he's a silent blur nearly running down the street, to cang qiong. his hands don't even shake when he unlocks the door, and he steps inside, shutting it behind him and leaning on the doorway. binghe tips his head back, and inhales.
these demon powers are incredible. he can hear the heartbeat of a human nearby, slow and steady--
of a human? of shizun. it's shizun, not just some random--he shouldn't be wanting to hurt anyone, at all, what is wrong with him it's shizun stop stop stop
binghe stops himself as he's taking a step forward, then puts both of his hands on his face and staggers backwards, hitting the door with a loud, dull, thump.
good morning! ]
staggers in
shen qingqiu has noticed it as the week goes on, first in binghe as it's so far out of character for his apprentice and now slowly in others as well. nothing he's looked for has pointed out a probable cause and it's with grim eyes, he watches and waits until the dam breaks.
he, however, certainly wasn't expecting it to come to him at the crack of dawn.
his heart leaps into his throat at the noise and it's with sleepy eyes that he quickly stumbles downstairs, sleeping robes haphazardly thrown on to investigate ]
Binghe? Is that you?
[ shizun be less trusting 1kXX ]
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binghe shakes his head. he doesn't want to think that way about shizun, and he reaches back for the door handle, as if he's going to go back.
...but it would be so easy. all he'd have to do is play along. he could get close, lie, and then be able to just take. that was the whole thing about humans. they were so fragile, thinking they had such power over the demons. a lesson so easily taught. the thoughts are relentless, pounding at any sense of his normal self, pulling him further and further away from it --
the only immediate response is a whine. it's not quite human sounding, maybe closer to a dog, and he clutches his head a little tighter--then smacks it back into the door, as if trying to force it to stop. ]
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Binghe? Has something happened?
[ shizun, with none preservation instincts, gingerly stepping toward to his probably? injured? apprentice. that combined with the whine has him reaching out near blindly, worry almost sky high when no words follow ]
Tell this teacher what happened.
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when the hand comes near him it is almost too much. the sound of shen qingqiu's pulse feels amplified, and binghe's hand snaps out, grabbing his wrist and lifting it up and out of the way before he can properly reach out. ] Don't--
[ his grip is easily tight enough to bruise. ] --don't. Don't touch me. [ he squeezes again, completely unaware of his own strength, letting out a shaky breath. ]
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Shizun, on the other hand, hisses out a breath, wincing at the strain on his wrist. At least his warning bells are finally going off and he flicks his free wrist out, lighting the room before he ungracefully trips in the midst of all this ]
What did you do?
[ he can't help if you're just gonna be cranky at him, Binghe! ]
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...Shizun. [ he says, slowly.
his fingers curl again. this time, it's less, but he still holds. he takes a step forward, and another, and another. predatory. the sound of his heartbeat is getting louder. ] Did I have to do something? [ despite it, his voice is calm, at least for the moment. maybe it's his own heartbeat. ratcheting upwards with every step forward, the incessant need to do something. to tear, to hurt. ] What if I did? Will you be angry?
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[ there's clearly something at work here because not only are his sleepy alarms suddenly Very Concerned for his safety, it's also worried that Binghe's gone and done something silly.
He didn't find demon catnip or anything did he?
Whatever the case, Shen Qingqiu keeps his shoulders relaxed and his voice light as he talks, watching Binghe closely. ]
Speak to this teacher, Binghe. How can I help?
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[ the minute they're close enough, his other hand pushes out to smack into the wall, palm first. it's laced with demonic energy, next to shen qingqiu's head, though none of it touches him, and he pushes his wrist to the wall and holds there, grip tightening again. ] Or would you be scared of me, too?
[ he's not all there, and it's almost blatantly obvious. binghe's eyes look nearly red in the light, as he feels the rash of irritation prickle up his spine, make him cock his head to the side, doglike, predatory. the idea of shizun being afraid of him should upset him, but it just makes him angrier. what if he was just going to abandon him? like anyone else? liu qingge had started to act differently towards him, too. everyone did, because he was a demon. just like he'd been told he would be when he was younger. ]
no subject
You are my precious apprentice, Luo Binghe. I do not fear you.
[ he does, however, fear what he could become were his demonic bloodline continue to take over his precious bun. there’s already been hints of it this week, and now especially as he looks up into his eyes. and yet- it’s more concern than fear that goes through his mind, a frown tugging at his mouth.
binghe, what happened………? ]
You will always have a home with me.
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yet, his instincts answer. you don't fear him yet. how much can he take, and take, before shizun wises up, too? how selfish and greedy can he be? the irritation from before is a low hum in the back of his head, and his fingers flex their hold, but he does not release it. he can feel shen qingqiu's pulse under his fingertips, and he wants to grab onto it, wants to pull it out and hold it for his own, wants -- no, no. no, stop.
the clarity helps. you will always have a home with me echoes in his head and binghe shuts his eyes, abruptly, squeezing them tight, trying to push back the feelings of resentment and fury. this unnatural want to attack is a tide he's losing against, rapidly, and it looks like he's fighting a war with himself, with the tense way he holds onto shen qingqiu, the way his expression changes, and, when he moves, it's not clear whether its going to be with violence or forcing himself backwards, as he pushes forward and --
-- bonks their foreheads together. it's not too hard (though not super gentle, either - it might smart a bit) but it feels good to be so close to shen qinqgiu. binghe takes a breath, and the ears on his head flick backwards, as he keeps his eyes closed. ] I don't.
[ a deep breath. ragged. everything smells like blood. binghe grinds his teeth, the tiny, sharp points his nails have lately formed into claws starting to prick at his master's skin, and manages, in a low, unhappy voice, nearly vibrating in place as he holds himself still. ] I don't want to hurt you.
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a smug moment of pride goes through him at binghe’s mental strength before remembering, oh. right. that fight isn’t won yet and he’s in the process of losing. Pay Attention…! ]
Then don’t. Your choices are your own, I’ve always told you that.
[ his free hand reaches up to cup binghe’s cheek, stroking the soft skin with a fond smile with nary a worry. somewhere out in the world, lqg develops an eye tick.
but it's fine. his poor precious bun deserves pats. ]
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it's not enough. the want to hurt and maim and attack comes up again, rising like a wave until its almost a crescendo, and binghe's eyes screw shut. he takes a ragged, deep breath, and his eyes snap open, that reddish color returning to his irises. it is only his own sheer force of will that has him suddenly ripping himself away from shen qingqiu, staggering backwards to get some distance between them, until its his back that slams into another wall. it hurts, but the pain of it is clarifying, and the fervor and desire for blood fades long enough for him to realize there's a solution to avoiding hurting shizun. it's an easy solution.
his hand goes to his waist and binghe draws his sword, the silver metal a bright streak in the evening light. he doesn't go rushing for shen qingqiu, even though every nasty voice in his head screams at the idea of hurting a human in vengeance, they've caused you so much pain-- no. no no no no.
binghe draws it on himself, turning the blade. better step in quick if you like ur cute bun, shizun. ]
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For a minute he thought he had gotten through whatever whispers into Binghe's ears, abet he doesn't relax just yet. there's no telling what exactly is happening in the war inside his apprentice despite only what he can infer and honestly, all his options are Bad and Worse.
Once he pulls away, there's immediately a quiet noise of surprise eyes immediately assessing but it seems like whatever he was hoping for isn't on the table. Shen Qingqiu doesn't even think about it before he flings himself at Binghe, the moment he unsheathes his sword, bodily stepping between the sword and his apprentice, eyes squeezed shut. ]
You are stronger than this, Binghe!
[ haha, here's hoping he's not about to eat shit. ]
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that was a mistake. at this point, all of the bloodlust has completely taken over. it is only his intense love and care for shen qingqiu that has him going after himself, instead, because binghe would rather die than cause him any suffering. but shen qingqiu just goes right ahead and makes that impossible, too.
binghe can't stop himself, not in time. it's like wading through water, as he realizes in a red-tinted haze what's happening, and it is only the sheer mental fortitude of his character that keeps binghe from killing shen qingqiu on accident on the spot. his blade was aiming for his own body, anywhere he could hit, and with shen qingqiu suddenly in his space, he doesn't have enough time to stop the swinging motion of his arm. his other arm shoots out and wraps tight around shen qingqiu's waist, pulling him closer to his body in the same moment that gravity and binghe's sword skills come into play.
it's all he can do.
the sharp edge of the sword skates across shen qingqiu's shoulders as it's diverted, leaving a clean, thin cut through his robes and across his shoulderblades, but the force from binghe's strike is unstoppable, and the blade digs deep at his upper arm, leaving a crescent of a wound that could've easily taken his arm off, had it been completely on target.
instead, in finishing the strike he releases the sword, so it flies out of his hand and hits the ground with a clang. it plays out like a horror scene in slow motion: binghe's clarity comes back when the smell of blood rushes through his senses, sharp tang of iron rust, and in the first true moment of self in the past few hours, binghe realizes in horror, what he's just done. ]
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sqq hisses at the sharp sting of pain, grabbing Binghe’s robes when his vision swims for a moment and his knees falter. he refuses to be a swooning maiden but fuck, that hurts!
hopefully the shock is enough to knock him out of it as cleaning that wound certainly won’t be an easy task. but, ha. look at him, getting distracted in the middle of everything.
he hauls himself up, looking at binghe, checking his apprentice for that spark of recognition in his eyes and smiles, so gently at him when he sees it. there you are. ]
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[ there's blood. it's on binghe's hands, its on shizun's arm, and when he looks up at him like that, binghe's entire world shatters. he's no idiot, and can easily put two and two together; he did the most unforgivable thing he ever could have done. tears rush to binghe's eyes, so quickly that he can barely see straight, and all of the color drains from his face almost immediately. he cries out-- ] Shizun! [ as the panic starts to rise up hot and fresh in his chest. he has to do something, has to stop the bleeding has to help and his hand snaps out to try and grab for the wound, but binghe stops himself mid air. his mind reels with the horrifying thought of what if I do it again?
(you will do it again, something answers in the back of his mind. you knew you would hurt him eventually.
binghe stumbles, freezing, hand hovering, not sure what to do. there's blood, there's too much blood and he caused it, he did it, he finally hurt shizun, shizun, shizun, and overwhelmed, he finally starts to sob. - ] I'm sorry, I didn't--what did I -- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, why didn't you let me hurt me instead, why did you -- shizun-- [ fat tears fall down his cheeks, his shoulders heaving, as the whole world closes down to tunnel vision, and he cries like a child, because shizun let binghe hurt him, and then looked at him like he'd done nothing wrong. his other arm is still around shen qingqiu, and his fingers curl so tight in the fabric of his robe that his knuckles go white.
monster. you're a monster. you're a monster, luo binghe. everyone was right. he is a monster. ]
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Shen Qingqiu sighs fondly, uninjured hand coming to stroke his hair soothingly, tiredly laughing that even now here he is, bleeding, and yet he’s still the one offering comfort. ]
There, there don’t cry. How could this teacher be worthy of a title if I don’t protect my precious apprentice from even himself?
[ he keeps his voice light, despite the fact that it does in fact hurt like balls, and he’s honestly ready to sit down and yell in pain for a minute. but that can wait as binghe will forever come in first, second, and third and his wellbeing will always take priority. ]
Come now, this old man isn’t so fragile that you can take me down so easy.
[ say what you will but he's still got fight left in him...! just catch him never using it against Binghe ]