[ this is somewhere between startling and caring, and it summons up another thought, a crayonlike memory of luo wenzhou, grabbing onto fei du and holding him tight in a similar situation, and the gentle touch makes him --
he hiccups. the noise is tiny, and fragile, because fei du is fragile. for all of the terrifying fronts he can put up, for the joking, silly, playful gremlin he can be, in reality, this is what's hiding underneath. a terrified little boy who's lost everything, who has dug his claws into the last good things that he's loved only to watch them be ripped away.
someone who tried to do everything he could to protect that person, and failed.
he is violently, violently trembling, and he flinches back from the touch, but he takes a shuddering breath. ]
[ wild for all that sqq occasionally looks at fei du and goes `me if i had been more Like That` but right now, it's binghe that echoes. binghe, lost and terrified, binghe who has had every good thing ripped away from him, and left scrambling after the pieces that remain.
he at first places a hand back on fei du's arm just to test the waters and if he can, sqq ropes him into a hug. you know, those good ones where you're half being cuddled, half being squished in someones arms because they give a shit about you but like sqq, lack the words to actually say so. ]
[ the onion headline where it's like "the worst person in the world is right about something" but its like "the worst person ever has giant baby emotions actually"
fei du just goes. he's easily pliable at the moment, like a marionette, limbs all wrong, body all wrong, almost stumbling when he's pulled. and it's funny, that shen qingqiu might make a comparison to luo binghe, because it happens here, too. he doesn't know what to do with himself, with affection - it becomes almost immediately obvious, under all of that grief and despair, that he's stunned by this reaction. that fei du has hardly if ever known a tender, kinder touch in his life. luo wenzhou was the only exception.
he takes a breath, almost a wheeze. he's trembling and fragile like this, barely held together, and his rancid, bad, staticking thoughts are at least a little quieter, now. they're still there, the desperate repetition of a song lyric in a snatch here and there, the no echoing and hollow, and it eventually turns to, it wasn't supposed to be like this. ]
[ imagine this is only happening because sqq learned how emote his emotions like, two months ago just before murder. amazing how almost all of this is because binghe was a precious baby who made :plead: eyes at shizun and he shortcircuited so badly it reset the entire system (emotional).
that said, he pets fei du's back, hushing his stank thoughts and mentally humming a gentle tune. there, there.... it will be okay.......
this place takes and takes without mercy, doesn't it? ]
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no subject
he hiccups. the noise is tiny, and fragile, because fei du is fragile. for all of the terrifying fronts he can put up, for the joking, silly, playful gremlin he can be, in reality, this is what's hiding underneath. a terrified little boy who's lost everything, who has dug his claws into the last good things that he's loved only to watch them be ripped away.
someone who tried to do everything he could to protect that person, and failed.
he is violently, violently trembling, and he flinches back from the touch, but he takes a shuddering breath. ]
- Sorry.
no subject
he at first places a hand back on fei du's arm just to test the waters and if he can, sqq ropes him into a hug. you know, those good ones where you're half being cuddled, half being squished in someones arms because they give a shit about you but like sqq, lack the words to actually say so. ]
Shut Up.
[ well. at least he's trying ]
no subject
fei du just goes. he's easily pliable at the moment, like a marionette, limbs all wrong, body all wrong, almost stumbling when he's pulled. and it's funny, that shen qingqiu might make a comparison to luo binghe, because it happens here, too. he doesn't know what to do with himself, with affection - it becomes almost immediately obvious, under all of that grief and despair, that he's stunned by this reaction. that fei du has hardly if ever known a tender, kinder touch in his life. luo wenzhou was the only exception.
he takes a breath, almost a wheeze. he's trembling and fragile like this, barely held together, and his rancid, bad, staticking thoughts are at least a little quieter, now. they're still there, the desperate repetition of a song lyric in a snatch here and there, the no echoing and hollow, and it eventually turns to, it wasn't supposed to be like this. ]
no subject
that said, he pets fei du's back, hushing his stank thoughts and mentally humming a gentle tune. there, there.... it will be okay.......
this place takes and takes without mercy, doesn't it? ]